My campaign staff and I have been on a retreat at Camp Snowmelt working on our campaign strategy. We're in this to win!
After going through all the issues and our positions on the issues we have decided the best thing we can do is to revitalized a currently out of vogue political tactic. Speak simply, tell the truth, talk about the issues that matter, and focus on solutions rather than sound bites.
For example what is our position on Fast Food restaurants?
Well I watched the movie "Super Size Me" and I had a mixed reaction. Penguins aren't squeamish about regurgitation like humans but boy you just can't get around the health issues. What I propose doing is making a big deal about this during my campaign.
After the campaign one of my paid advisers, who has been itching to go into the restaurant business, will start a new drive-thru chain called McHealthy's. We believe that with only minor (and perfectly legal) inferences about this new chain being "Paddy's favorite place to eat" business will skyrocket. Then the $10 investment I'm contributing to the start up cost will turn into a seven figure IPO retirement bonanza. Did I mention this is all perfectly legal?
How's that for complete disclosure? Talk about campaign trail honesty!
We'll be back with more on the Paddy wagon soon.
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